As the grim trek through the desert dragged on, Nilo lightened the mood for us all by telling bawdy jokes, and occasionally even pranking the other guards. One particularly unlucky guard had a poor night's sleep on account of sand beast dung somehow finding its way next to his tent. The smell had been intense. We all had a good laugh, even the target.

It reminded me a little of the shenanigans inside HQ between Agents, making me feel more at home.

Over time, Nilo and I spent more and more time together, feeling more relaxed, sharing more of that story of a background I'd been carefully crafting, keeping warmth together, sharing meals together. We became better and better friends, against my Agent judgment, perhaps a bit more than just friends. But it was hard to resist the temptation to be close to someone, if only for a short time.

After several uneventful days, the caravan pulled up next to a small oasis in the middle of the rolling sand dunes, which still stretched as far as the eye could see. A large pond of crystal blue water glinted under the harsh suns, multi-coloured shadows on the ground behind the large milk fruit trees. It couldn't have been any larger than the cafeteria back at HQ, but to all of the parched and sand-blasted caravaners, it looked like heaven.

"Right, then!" Fen bellowed out to us. "We stop here tonight! Set up a perimeter. Two-man watch all night up there." He pointed to a large hill formed of rock behind the pool. "Switch off every two hours! Get movin'!"

As it happened, I drew lots with Nilo for the third watch, a few hours after dark. I was dozing at the base of the big hill when Nilo jostled my shoulder to wake me. The rock and the sand were still warm against my body, but the air had definitely taken a chilly turn. Hundreds of stars spread across the dome of night above, a careless swipe of a painter's sparkling paint. Great flows of sand moved with the wind in the distance, making a sound suspiciously like ocean waves.

"Ready for the watch?" he asked.

"Sure, I'll be up in a jiffy, soon as I grab my jacket."

Nilo laughed and headed up the small path around the hill, toward the top.

I stalked back toward my tent, padding as silently as I could across the sand. As I came near the cook fire burning down to embers, I heard two voices speaking quietly. Hoping for an interesting eavesdrop to help my case, I crept closer and hunkered down. I was shivering from the cold by then, but the conversation made it worthwhile.

"...think they're getting close now," the first speaker said. I recognized it as Tasha's voice. She laughed a little. "We shall have the last laugh, however!" The tent glowed an unnatural blue, likely a globe of Mana-generated light. "Gods, you should've seen it!"

"Yes indeed," the second speaker responded. A voice I didn't know, a young woman. Interesting. Maybe the silver-eyed girl? "One of their best assets, hoodwinked right out from under their noses. Our greatest achievement since the first."

"But do you think she'll really go for it?" Tasha replied. "Old habits die hard."

The other sighed feelingly. "Don't I know it." The silence stretched on for several moments. "But there can be no other way forward for us," she said at last. "Not just for my people, but for all of Casilan. Your experience at the cave proves it."

"That my ancestors would do such a thing! That they'd even conceive of such a thing!" Tasha replied with a harsh edge in her voice. A woman of quicksilver passions, this Tasha! But then Initiates of the Flame were often like that. I could see a silhouette of a knife by the Mana light, her crystal belt knife thrust into the air by a fist. "We have fallen far, but I will bring honour to my clan once again!"

"Patience, Tasha of the ancient Emerald River clan," the other replied calmly. "HQ is starting to get desperate, as you well know," she said. "The big brass know about the BPG-A by this point. They send out the big guns." Amusement coloured her voice. "But we have moved in time. We will have our target."

I barely kept myself from swearing. They could not possibly be saying what I thought they were saying! But then, they'd warned me nervously that someone knew more than they ought to know. Just how much did they know? Was this the same HQ they were talking about? And what was an BPG-A, anyway?

I couldn't say that conversation was about me for certain, but it was a worrying development.

"What kept you so long?" Nilo asked, with a smile to take the sting from his words.

"Just had some trouble finding my jacket," I replied as I sat down for my two-hour watch, giving him a peck on the cheek.

I'd been going with the flow of his attraction, hoping to work my way further into the group. But I had to admit that a warm sleeping roll might be nice sometimes, too.

We were sitting back-to-back on the top of the rock, leaning against each other, enjoying shared warmth in the cold desert night.

"So," Nilo started tentatively. "If you don't know other parts of your past, tell me how you became a ninth level Ka Te." A grin lit up his face. "'Cause that's what they're saying you claim."

"It's true."

"I believe it!" he replied excitedly. "Beat the Tasha Emerald River in a match, I've heard! Not an easy thing to do!"

I laughed quietly and sighed. "'Beating' her is a bit of an exaggeration. As to the source of that skill... I'm sworn to silence. I spent a lot of my childhood at a monastery, learning with the monks. I can't tell you more than that."

"Bahh!" Nilo replied with another grin. "Your whole life is a secret, at least tell me about that."

I paused for a moment gathering my thoughts, listening to the after-echo of the cave song. "That's one of my few honest secrets that I actually know the answer to."

I surprised myself, feeling a touch of genuine sadness in the words.

"Oh."

Nilo let the topic drop, and we sat a while longer, backs together. I guessed if I was ever going to ask, that was the time.

"What a job we're on, though, eh?" I said casually into the night, as if simply trying to wash away the awkwardness of the previous topic.

"Oh, this is pretty normal for those two," he replied.

"Two?"

"Yeah, you know, Astra. The little girl that hangs around Tasha?"

I smiled at him. "Huh. Are they related or something? A long lost sister?"

Nilo's big grin came back as he laughed and responded, "Doubtful, though they might as well be."

I tried to sound as casual as I could when I replied, getting to the point.

"What could someone possibly do with that much Tear Stone...?"

Nilo shrugged. "Who knows? Probably safer not to know."

Ah well. It seemed even the veterans didn't know, and didn't want to know.

I noticed then that my hand had somehow wrapped around his, but the small contact brought the loneliness of my situation into focus, and I left it there.

I'd started to feel sleepy when Nilo suddenly squeezed my hand back. His face was beautiful, glowing slightly with his gentle expression cast like marble in the moonlight.

"So," he said tentatively, quietly. "Stop me if I'm saying something dumb. But I don't think anyone from the camp can see the top of the rock we're sitting on. Just sayin'."

Warning bells were ringing quietly in my mind. My thoughts rushed furiously for so long that he seemed to deflate.

"Never mind," he said, downcast. "I'm just..."

However, he didn't finish his statement, because I turned around and covered his mouth with mine. A sudden flash of heat ran through me. We both paused and then laughed into the night at the awkwardness.

All of my vaunted Agent detachment was disappearing. I felt myself sinking deeply into the reality of Keia, my avatar, feeling her very real existence all around me. The waters closed over my mind, and I was back in the womb, reborn. It felt almost as though Keia, separate from me, was determined to do this, to grab this happiness. I recognized the thought as a dissociation that HQ trains us against, but before I knew what was happening, I was drawn in fully.

Keia is me, and I am Keia.

The mask became the reality. Who was this five-two-three character?

I was far more gone than an Agent on a mission should ever be. As Agents, we have to tread a fine line between role play and becoming our characters. I felt myself crossing it, but my willpower was failing me. The dam of my hardened Agent heart wasn't what it used to be...

It was at that moment that I realized that I/we/Keia were actually falling in love with him, a feeling so old and rusted that I hardly recognized it.

I let go of the lifeline my training was offering me and let the current of passion take me.

Later, when Jeri and Hala came up to replace us, Nilo and I both headed toward my tent. Even if the new guards smiled, they said nothing.